Ep 13
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Rebecca Adehill Podcast. I wanna start off by saying that I want my name to remind you to go and live your life big, to take risks, to go all in and write one hell of a story with one life. You know that you have. I'm a seven figure business mentor, wife and mother of three, and I'm here to share my journey with you as I am constantly moving in the direction of more, more bigness, more impact, more wealth, more depth, and more life.
My aim with this podcast is to activate and inspire you to go and live your life big in the fullest, most passionate way. I'm so glad that you are here, so let's dive right in.[00:01:00]
Hello everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Rebecca Adehill Podcast. It is so good to be back here for another episode, for another chat. I have had so much happening over the past week and I am really eager to tell all of you what is happening and what I am processing and working through behind the scenes what I am bringing to life.
But I am just at the stage where I can't quite tell you yet. I would love to, like, I would really, really, really love, love to. But I can't yet. So as soon as I can, I promise you that I'm gonna take you on this incredible journey with me and let you know all of the things that I'm bringing to life. Let you know all of the things that I'm processing and navigating.
Oh my gosh, there is so much goodness coming and I just cannot wait. Today as I'm recording this, I went and saw a beautiful friend of mine, Vanessa, for a coffee. Vanessa is the founder of Cleo Harper and she is just such a beautiful soul, and we sat down for coffee and. First of all, I just wanna highlight how good it is to have friends that you are just on the same page as one another.
You get each other, you like the same conversation, and it's just a very elevated, expensive. Connected friendship that gets to feel so, so good and clean and beautiful overall. Anyhow, we sat down today, we, we started to talk about how our husbands have come in into work inside of our businesses and how just brought Brodie into the business and she's brought her husband into the business and both of us said, Oh my gosh.
We just can't get enough of our husbands. We wanna spend all of our time with them. And I was really thinking about this and it was so refreshing to hear this from someone else because Brodie and I, we spent a lot of time together. I am working from home. He used to stay at home Dad and. We see each other like 24 7, and if we not in each other's company, we send probably like a hundred messages to one another.
We always call, we always chat, we always FaceTime. We are just so tight. And I really love that about our marriage and about our relationship, and I think our communication has just been like that since literally day one. Since the first day we met. Our communication has been rock solid. But what was so refreshing about my conversation with Vanessa is how we both felt.
Like we could not get enough time of our partners, and it was so refreshing to hear another woman express the love and respect and care and want to be with him, to want to be in his presence, to want to share all of the things that are going on, to want to be, you know, to create and build this life together.
And it felt so good because that is exactly how I am feeling in my relationship with Brodie. I can't get enough of him. I can't get enough of spending time with him. I love every single minute that we spend together, and I'm not trying to. Turn this into some form of highlight reel and pretend that every moment of our relationship and marriage is like all roses and butterflies.
But I love him so deeply and I truly believe that it gets to be that good that you have the feeling like you never wanna leave your husband's side. And I think what I love about this the most. Is how much he celebrates me and how much he can hold me in my bigness and how much he supports me in any direction that I desire to take.
He's right there and I think this is a beautiful thing as as women. Leading incredibly big businesses with big visions. I think it's so important to have your other half to be so supportive of. You and be so supportive of your vision that they don't necessarily have to know every single thing about what you do and every single move that you make inside of your business.
They don't have to know all of the nitty gritty details unless you wanna share that. But I find it so comforting knowing how supported I am and how. Loved, I feel, because he can really see how much I love what I do, and I think he knows that that would be the worst thing that he could do to me would be to tell me to like slow down or to not work, or not to go so fast or so hard, or do so much.
He know that he would do me huge disservice if you tried to slow me down. That is sort of the conversation I wanna have with you today because I somewhat feel that it has been almost a bit taboo of wanting so much, or maybe even as a woman being the breadwinner for your family or. Husbands being jealous of the woman's success or they not fully supporting the person that you are becoming, or they are trying to slow you down or hold back or what you are feeling.
It's very much like your life. He is all her life. It's, it's a very much like we are living two separate lives and what I think is so key, In our journeys, our entrepreneurial journeys is that I call bullshit on work-life balance. I call bullshit on balance and the way balance is currently viewed. And today I wanna give you my perspective on what balance actually means.
I don't believe that having work life balance and having everything balanced is possible. What I mean by this that I don't believe it's possible, it's because of our perception of what balance is. For me, balance is actually not an external state. For me, balance is not having everything around me.
Balance that. I'm gonna make sure that I spend 33.3% of my time with my children and 33.3% with my husband, and 33.3% inside of my business. And then, You know, I don't believe that we get to have 10% here, 10 here, 10 here, 10 here, 10 here to operate in balance. [00:09:00] I don't think that that's how it works. And if you try to strive for balance, I am going to, with curiosity, ask you the question, how much resistance you are feeling inside of your life right now.
How much resentment you are feeling to certain areas of your life right now because you feel like you can't keep up and stay balanced. So my perception of what balance is, is my internal state of how I feel about the priorities I have made. How my internal state is when I've made the priorities the way that I have, and I know that I'm not in balance when I don't feel calm and, and getting grounded on the inside.
[00:10:00] When I start to feel guilty, when I start to feel frustrated, when I start to feel tired, or when I start to feel annoyed, that is when I know I'm not in balance. And I wanna give you an example of what I do to actually navigate this. And this has actually been the most freeing thing for me to set me free of having to have everything.
In balance. I wanted to sit with this for a moment because I believe I am going to set you free as well. So I am looking at my wheel of life, and I want you to picture this beautiful little wheel of life and every area of your life are cut into little pieces of pies around this beautiful wheel. So maybe you have self-care, maybe you have children, maybe you have pets, maybe you have a husband, maybe you have a wife, maybe you [00:11:00] have, um, financial, spirituality, hobbies, friends.
Um, wealth, you know, whatever it is that represents your wheel of life, you are going to have all of these little pieces of pies. And I wanna give an example. If my kids get sick, I am not going to remain in balance in every area of my life. I know that my friendships back burner. My self-care back burner, the way I show up in my business, gets to go on the back burner because my kids, when they're unwell, they're my priority.
So naturally I'm not going to be in external balance when I have stuff that is out of my control that happens. Same. When I have something really major come up with work at the moment, I am navigating some huge things behind the scenes. Right now I'm [00:12:00] making some really big decisions and I cannot wait to share all of these incredible things that I'm bringing to life.
First of all, if you are listening to this, I think it's, it's going to be so impactful for you. And what I'm bringing to you is truly game changing and I am so excited for you. I'm so excited for me, and I'm so excited to continue to co-create and this incredible journey. And. There are so many things to this.
So I have a fairly big workload right now inside of my business. So basically when I know that I need to spend extra time and energy inside of my business, I make sure that I. Communicate with the people around me that this is going to affect. And sometimes I need to have an internal dialogue because I'm the one that's affected by it.
So I wanna give an example. Basically, right now I'm focusing a lot. Of my time and energy inside of [00:13:00] work. So now I look at my wheel of life and I look at the things that gets to be pushed aside a little bit. And for instance, that is less quality time with the kids. That is less quality time with Brodie, that is less quality time.
Um, with myself, my own self-care and health routine and, and less quality time with my friends. There are a lot of people that get pushed aside when I shift my priorities. Now, there may be some of you to go, what do you mean you push your kids out of the way and your husband and your friends and everything, your self-care, and how can you do that?
Well, I don't do that for a long period of time, so the first thing that I check in with, with myself, Am I okay to not get my son from school today? Does that feel okay for me? If I dropped him off this morning, can dad go and get him? Does that, do I feel okay about that? Yes, I feel okay, great. [00:14:00] That means that I can do it.
I feel okay. My internal state feels okay. Let me give you an extreme example. I'm not gonna see my children for a week. I wouldn't do it because my internal state could not cope with that. I will be sad. I will feel guilt. I will feel so stressed and worried I could not leave this side for a week. So then I know that I can't make that priority.
I can't make that shift. So every time I have things coming up, for instance, I had to stay up late last night. I could not sit and watch a movie with Brodie after the kids had gone to bed and there were certain things that I had to do and I check, am I okay with this? Yes, I'm okay with this. So what I do, I have a conversation with Brodie.
I have a conversation with the kids, and sometimes I have a conversation with myself. Hey Rebecca, for the next couple of weeks. You have a massive project coming up and you have to be really [00:15:00] focused. So maybe right now your self-care routine may go out the window. You may have to say no to catch up with friends.
And also you may have to say no to a movie night with Brodie. Are you okay with that? And I go, Hmm, it depends how long for, this is how I talk to myself. By the way, for the next couple of weeks, for the next two weeks, I need your focus on this. Okay, I think I can do two weeks, but let me go and speak to Brodie and my kids, and then I have a conversation with Brodie and I go, Hey, babe, for the next couple of weeks, I've got a massive project that I need to work on.
I'm gonna have to put you to the side and I'm gonna have two make some priorities. Shift right now because I really need to focus on this, but I wanna pop a bubble on this. Here is the key part. I wanna pop a bubble on this. So at the end of the two weeks, it's gonna be about a two week period where I can't do movie nights, where I can't do X, Y, and z.[00:16:00]
But at the end of the two weeks, I would love if all of us could go away for a weekend or I would love if you and I can go out for dinner or we go and have a spa date, or we, we just watch a movie and hang out on the couch. I, I would love your support so much, but I really need to stay focused for the next couple of weeks.
And then he will go, oh my God. Of course, babe, I've got you back. I've got you. Is there anything I can do to support you? And here is the key. This is why a lot of partners start to resent their entrepreneurial better half because there are no boundaries and there is no communication in place that having your own business are to-do.
Lists are endless that I could spend. 24 hours a day on my business if I wanted to, and I still have stuff to do. So pulling the car that you are busy, that's not gonna cut it. So what you can do instead is to pop a bubble on it and [00:17:00] go, I'm gonna be busy for the next two weeks. Are you going to be okay?
And after this period, we are gonna do something really nice together because I know that's gonna bring us together. And then. The ease will come off inside of my business and I can go back to movie nights and I can go back to school pickup and I can go back to do an X, Y, and Z. Are you okay with that?
He's like, babe, I've got this. I've got this. You do you I do. Me. Boom, high five kiss. This is the partnership. However, if I would've just told him that I am busy, I can't do movie night, nah, I'm busy. I'm busy. I'm gonna stay up late. I'm busy, I'm busy, I'm busy. He's gonna be like, fucking hell. I've just lost my wife.
She's just busy all the time, and she's like, I'm busy. Oh, I'm tired, or I'm stressed, or I'm busy. That doesn't work. That does not work. Your poor partner is gonna think that he has lost his wife or the husband to the business. So what I think is absolutely key is your [00:18:00] communication. It's actually your responsibility.
As much as they are supporting you, they are also holding the thought. So your communication to them in terms of how your priorities are gonna shift, not only is that going to be feel super solid for you, and you are gonna feel grounded because you are okay with the priorities that you have made, but you are also getting the people around you.
That now are affected by your shift in priorities. They are also going to get on board with the new plan because you know you're going to get back to the way it was or back to the standard routine. And I'd like to give this extreme example about if I told you that I'm going to torture you, full stop.
I'm gonna torture you. And there are no end date. I'm just gonna say I'm gonna torture you. You will probably die on day three. [00:19:00] But if I told you that I am going to torture you for three days and at the end of the three days you'll never feel pain ever again, and you are going to forget about the event, and we are going to leave happily ever after and everything is going to be fine and everything that you'd ever hoped for is going to be there.
Would you survive? You probably would. And this is the human instinct, because when we set a timeframe or something and go, I just need to do this for the next three days. I just need to commit to this for the next six days. I just need to commit to this for the next 14 days. Can I do that? Yes I can. So all of a sudden you create this beautiful support system around you.
So when your external environment, Feels like it's not in balance. You feel balanced on the inside. So balance to me is actually an internal state. Balance is [00:20:00] an internal state. It doesn't matter if you give 90% to your kids and 10% to your business and 0% to your friends. If you are okay with that, that means that you are in balance.
But the moment where you are not okay with that, that is when you are not in balance. And that is when we need to shift accordingly. And this is why it's so important that we know our bodies. So you actually know when something is off. So for as long as you are okay with the priorities that you make, you are in balance.
That is how we achieve a state of balance. Because you are okay with the priorities that you have made, and I just wanna leave you with this and be really intentional and even looking at your life right now where you have to perhaps make some changes and we have you not been clear in your [00:21:00] communication in terms of how it's going to affect those around you.
And how can you take responsibility for how you have placed your priorities, how you are prioritizing things in your life? Because for as long as you're okay with it and for as long as you communicate with those around you that it's going to affect, you are going to be. Okay. And also the people around you are going to be okay because you have made a commitment to make them feel included and a part of, first of all, your life and a part of they, they wanna feel like they have also been taken into consideration, even if that means they are gonna get put on the back burner for a little bit.
And ask for the help to support you for that next bit. And I believe this is how we create this [00:22:00] beautiful dynamic within the household with partners, our internal state, and how we feel this is how we truly master it when we reframe. The way we look at balance. So the moment you let this land with you, the balance is not an external state of having everything balanced.
The balance is your internal state and making sure that you are okay with the priorities that you make. I hope you have loved today's episode. I'm really excited to see how you go and actually make some changes and start to integrate some new priorities and how you start to change the way you're communicating with us around you, and really looking at your wheel of life and looking at what's getting a lot of your attention right now, and also what are some things that really needs your attention right now, and you are [00:23:00] responsible for making those changes.
I can't wait to see you back here next week for another episode. I hope you have loved today's chat. I wish you the most magical day wherever you are in the world, and I will see you back next week for another episode.
